“Not only did he tell the kids they could call him Mr.

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Adults are an entirely different world for them, a realm where anything is possible, especially if that anything involves THEIR FAVORITE SINGER OF ALL TIME. So I wrote back with an apology, explaining that I’d merely done it to try to win them over, and not because I wanted to take them back to my van down by the river.

“I’ll clear everything up first thing next week,” I told her.

They were debating the name of Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, and I was going to end it.“You’re all actually wrong,” I said.

“I’m Taylor Swift’s boyfriend.”They looked at me and laughed.“Not uh,” said a third grade girl named Kelly. ”I did not, in fact, know Taylor Swift’s middle name.

But I know what it is because I saw it on her driver’s license one time. But Kelly wasn’t having it.“OK,” she said, narrowing her eyes. ”She looked down at her desk in frustration, then at Allison, who crossed her arms and leaned back in chair.“Ok,” she said.

It’s Elizabeth.”The other girl and the boy–Allison and Aaron–looked at each other incredulously. “Show us a text message, then.”This is probably where I should have stopped.

"Wilmer's a really, really good person, and any woman would be lucky to have him."Moore, meanwhile, has been dating Dawes' lead singer for about a year Taylor Goldsmith.

After working at Victoria’s Secret for a long, strange year, I continued like most creatives do when trying to avoid their mother’s basement: down the black hole path of retail. My time in retail taught me valuable lessons of observation and how to annoy the shit out of a salesperson until they give you what you want for free. But as “This is just a college gig,” turned into “This is just a part-time thing until I get a real job,” before finally maturing into, “This is now 40 hours of my week,” I began to panic. It did not entail the 40-foot schooner I’d call “Thong With the Wind,” or the weekends I’d spend on it with Tom Brady, Gisele Bundchen and my super model girlfriend, Alessandra Ambrosio. t-shirts in public: a fate I both laughed at and was terrified to succumb to.

This had happened to me twice so far, and after being crippled by fear for two weeks straight, I called up a friend who teaches fourth grade and asked for some help.